Last month Peterson Toscano launched a new podcast, Bubble&Squeak. (You can hear it on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, TuneIn, Stitcher, PodBean, and Google Play.) The show is weird and wonderful, a delightful mix of storytelling, comedy, radio drama, and commentary.
In his most recent episode, Sexy Sex, he includes a short radio play, a prank call to the future. Peterson dials into a sex advice call-in line with the dilemma, “My boyfriend and I are not having enough sex.” No this is not because of internalized homophobia, rather they are temporary residents in an emergency shelter after a storm. Dr. Judith Housemeyer is adamant about finding a solution to the problem.
You can read the script below or better yet hear it in all its glory.
A prank call to the future: Dr. Judith Housemeyer Sexy Sex in a Time of Climate Change.
by Peterson Toscano for Bubble&Squeak
Dr. Judith: This is Dr. Judith Housemeyer. Yes, caller, this is Sexy Sex in a time of climate change. What is the problem here? Don’t be shy!
Peterson Toscano : Yes, Dr. Judith, I’m calling because, well, my boyfriend and I are just not having enough sex.
DJ. Oooo, the problem with the butt sex. We have heard of this. What exactly is wrong with this? Is he resistant? Are you uncomfortable with it? What is this? It is very normal!
PT No, no, no we love it. We love it, It’s just that are in an emergency shelter right now because of a storm and there is no privacy
DJ: I have heard, this is becoming a growing problem, yes for everyone, for the straights, for the bis, for the pans, everyone is having this problem. Right, ok, well, have you been been able to perhaps try something, like go outside at night time.
PT Well, that’s hard because once it gets dark they lock the doors and that’s that. We can’t go in and out
DJ: Yes, I have heard this. For security reasons. I understand. What about in the toilets? They have toilets there, ya, stalls? You could do a quickie there in the stall. Its not the first time, ya?
PT Well, yeah, but their disgusting. Oh my gosh they are so overcrowded and overflowing and its just…
DJ Oh, it’s a whole lot of backup of waste. I understand, ya ya, no no. Are there any other places that are private there?
PT Yes, there is one other place. There is attached to this is a pet, an emergency pet shelter
DJ Oh that is good, but there must be lots of people as well there taking care of the pets
PT Actually no, they’re really low on volunteers right now; they could use some help, so it’s pretty quiet
DJ Well if you don’t mind the animals watching, which is very normal for them just don’t get them involved, this is not Berlin in the 1930s hahahaha
PT No of course not, we could do that oh except my boyfriend he has some pet allergies.
DJ: mmmm, this does not have to be a bad problem, this could be fun, ya, ya,you get surgical masks, you could play doctor, uh, you could get the skimask, you can play muggings, this could be fun. Have fun with it! In this time of climate change we have to become creative and adapt, adapt to it and have fun. Ok? thank you caller
This is Dr. Judith Housemeyer, with more Sexy Sex in a Time of Climate Change coming up. Call me with all your problems; I want to know I want to know.